what becomes of the brokenhearted…

Years ago, I woke up in the morn­ing and had this song play­ing in my head…very ran­dom­ly. I hadn´t heard it in yeears. The thing is, I only had the melody in my head. It makes me go crazy when I have a song stuck in my ear, but I have no lyrics to hold onto to look it up.

So I was mum­bling it in my head over and over again hop­ing some words will pop up from some cor­ner of my brain. Mhm when I nanana mhm this mmmh it the lalala ach shit what is it!!

And then suddenly……broookenheeearted.. I googled and googled and then final­ly found the title of the song.

And I sud­den­ly remem­ber how I´ve been feel­ing late­ly that time.

Like in movies: Sad sit­u­a­tion = sad music, peo­ple in action = action music. Very sim­ple.

Well, what hap­pened in my movie? Betray­al? Loss of a lover?

Well, no…there was no prince who I was mad­ly in love with and now it´s all over and my heart is bro­ken in thou­sand pieces.. for­ev­er and ever.

Why then did I relate to the lyrics?

Because I FELT like a bro­ken­heart­ed. what­ev­er that actu­al­ly real­ly means.

Now years lat­er I see that we all can suf­fer from some sort of heart­break.

„Heart­break is what hap­pens when love is lost“.1

Think about being in love. It doesn´t mat­ter if you have been or not, we all have expe­ri­enced it in some way or anoth­er and it doesn´t always have to be a per­son, it can be a moment that was so per­fect, you for­got every­thing around you includ­ing all of your prob­lems.

We are filled with love in that moment, we are filled with love from that per­son. And sud­den­ly noth­ing else mat­ters. Well how was that again?….. All you need is love?

We are bro­ken­heart­ed, because we know there is more to love, because we have expe­ri­enced it some­how before and now we´ve lost it, we don´t have it any­more, it´s gone. And even if we haven´t expe­ri­enced it so far, we can still feel like as if we´ve lost it, because we see it in the world. We see that it´s pos­si­ble. We can grasp how love can feel like. And know­ing that „it“ is some­where „out there“, but not with­in us, makes us to bro­ken­heart­ed.

How does ‘love´ work any­way? Is lov­ing our­selves not enough? Do we real­ly need it from the out­side aswell?

Expe­ri­enc­ing love means to be able to receive and give love. If we can´t do that, we feel like some­thing is miss­ing. We don´t feel whole.

Imag­ine a typ­i­cal heart split in the mid­dle. Is there any­thing miss­ing? Is a piece gone? No. It´s all there. Both sides just have to find there way to each oth­er again. But it´s still all in you, as it always was and will.

But often we don´t know how to love. We are too afraid to. Because what hap­pens if you do?

You risk being bro­ken hard (maybe again). And that fuck­ing hurts.

But you know what hurts too? Stay­ing a lit­tle bro­ken. All. the. fuck­ing. time.

You receive no love, give no love, at least not real­ly. It´s kind of hap­pen­ing but on a lev­el where you won­der if you are actu­al­ly able of feel­ing love. Because deep down you know it is sup­posed to feel dif­fer­ent. When you tru­ly love, you´ll know it.

So what do you chose? Risk get­ting hurt so much that your heart breaks in two or three? Or keep­ing a dis­tance, because the image of get­ting bro­ken­heart­ed is more painful than nev­er expe­ri­enc­ing love at its core at all?

Lov­ing is a coura­geous act. We all want love, but we are often not will­ing to pay the price for it. Love is always uncer­tain. You nev­er know if you will be loved back or in the way you would want to. It´s one of the heardest things to do. And this goes beyond roman­tic love.

We have to risk stand­ing alone, we have to risk no one lik­ing us. And we have to be okay with that, because in fact… you are not sud­den­ly more alone than you were before. You are still com­plete­ly the same, — with an expe­ri­ence more: You dared to love.

So aaaac­tu­al­ly there is noth­ing to fear. Take your heart out of the cage and let it play a bit. Yes it will fall, it will get cuts and get hurt and cry, but didn´t we all when we were kids?

After a long day of play­ing and get­ting hurt, we all came home exhaust­ed but hap­py and ful­filled while our mum is gen­tly tak­ing care of our wounds and cuts we got dur­ing that day.

We need to cre­ate the same safe and lov­ing space for our own hearts when they come home, espe­cial­ly if some­thing is as painful as being bro­ken.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1: A beau­ti­ful quote from Brené Browns book „Ris­ing Strong“.

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