das Leben eines Faulencers

Und was machst du so in deiner Freizeit?

Wenn du diese Frage nicht mit zumindest einer „besonders interessanten“ Tätigkeit, oder am besten noch, einer „die dich von anderen abhebt“ beantwortest, dann..

… tust du alles in dir mögliche um diese dennoch so zu beantworten …

Dein Gehirn spukt dir in diesen paar Sekunden Überlegungszeit eine Anzahl an potentiellen Antwortmöglichkeiten aus, die dich – zumindest ein bisschen – besser darstellen lassen, als es die Wahrheit tun würde.

Je nach Situation und Charakter greifen Menschen dabei oft gerne auf folgende Notfallsantworten zurück:

Person A nimmt ein Hobby von früher her, mit der sie zwar schon Ewigkeiten nichts mehr am Hut hat (und ihr Gegenüber wahrscheinlich auch nicht erfahren wird), aber zumindest kann sie auf ihr früheres ICH zugreifen und so zu tun als ob sie diese Person noch wäre (klingt traurig, ist es auch).
Diese Person wird nun von ihrem Gegenüber mit diesem Hobby identifiziert und darf sich vielleicht auch noch über das ein oder andere “wow” oder “ach wie toll” freuen.

Person B hingegen hebt ein aktuelles „Hobby“, an welches sie sich im Durchschnitt so alle 2 Monate immer wieder heranwagt, hervor.
Dieses „Hobby“ gibt für diesen Moment den Anschein, dass die Person auch tatsächlich was aus ihrem Leben macht. Allerdings ohne es all zu sehr aufzudrücken, denn sich viiiiel besser darzustellen als man eigentlich ist, will man jetzt auch nicht …


Ja, was tut man nicht alles, um dieses äußerst unwohlige Gefühl als versagenden-schluffigen-graswurzelkreativen-Warmduscher abgestempelt zu werden, dessen Beitrag für die Gesellschaft eine gefühlte -1 ist.

„Unkreative Menschen sind am kreativsten bei der Verteidigung ihrer Unkreativität.“ *

Ich würde sogar noch einen Schritt weitergehen und sagen, alle Menschen werden besonders dann kreativ wenn es darauf ankommt, ihr Gesicht zu bewahren.

Wir sind nun mal so programmiert, in erster Linie Schmerz und Unwohlsein zu vermeiden und erst in zweiter Linie darum besorgt, wie wir zu Lust und Genuss kommen.

Dafür erzählen wir uns selbst oft Geschichten (dafür brauchen wir nicht einmal ein Gegenüber), die bereits so weit von der Wahrheit abgedriftet sind, dass man selber gar nicht mehr weiß, wer man eigentlich ist.

Wir alle tun das.

Unsere Realität ist so gut oder so schlecht, wie wir uns unser Leben „zurechtlügen“.

Wir glauben, wir sind „speziell“, oder irgendwo „besser“ als andere (nur weiß es noch keiner…).
Oder wir sind davon überzeugt anders aka „speziell“ zu sein, weil ja keiner mein einzigartiges Leiden durchmachen musste, oder fühlt wie ich fühle.

Oder:
„Ich hab mein Job verloren, weil was besseres auf mich wartet“.
„Die Agentur hat mich abgelehnt, weil sie mein wahres Talent nicht erkennen“.
“Er oder sie will mich nicht, aber ist ok … ich verdien was besseres”
(sry, aber kotz).

Es geht in jede erdenkliche Richtung. Egal ob es jetzt stimmt oder nicht… unser Hirn lässt uns nicht im Stich die Hoffnung in unsere Existenz komplett aufzugeben.

Dafür kramt es die kuriosesten Begründungen für eine Situation heraus, damit wir nicht glauben müssen, dass wir ein Loser sind, waren oder bleiben (wenn wir nichts ändern).

Achja… die Wahrheit. Schmerz.

Ja, die Wahrheit kann sehr häßlich sein, aber wir schmieren oftmals noch ne Portion Scheiße drüber und glauben es ist Regenbogenzuckerwatte.

Wenn wir aufhören wollen alles schön reden zu „müssen“, weil wir uns innerlich eigentlich Scheiße fühlen, dann geht nur der Weg durch die eigentliche Scheiße.

Dann offenbart sich meist sehr schnell eine neue Tätigkeit, die deine Freizeit täglich beglückt.

Und dann hast du witzigerweise meist nicht einmal das Bedürfnis groß darüber zu reden.
Oder vielleicht noch nicht.

Aber in solchen Fällen, gibt es zum Glück noch die Person C-Antwortmöglichkeit:

„Oh kuck mal, ein Pferd!“

Nein? Ok, funktioniert scheinbar nur bei mir.

Wenn gar nichts geht und deine kreative Seite dich komplett im Stich gelassen hat, so hilft dir eigentlich nur noch eine Auswegmöglichkeit:

„Komm ich lad dich auf ein Bier ein!“


Am besten gleich 3, dann hast Ruhe.
















*Gregor Band

ich lieb mich, ich lieb mich nicht, …

… ich lieb mich, ich …

… lieb mich nicht.

So oft suchen wir nach einer Antwort, nach Anerkennung oder einer Bestätigung im Außen und lassen jemanden oder eine Situation darüber entscheiden, ob wir liebenswürdig sind oder nicht.

Und das ist auch normal…als Baby und Kind haben wir dieses Feedback gebraucht um überhaupt zu einem funktionierenden Menschen zu werden.

Fehlte es uns in der Kindheit an ausreichend Liebe, sei es in Form von Anerkennung oder Aufmerksamkeit, so versuchen wir im Erwachsenenalter diesen Mangel auszugleichen.

Wir versuchen diese „Leere“ zu füllen und dies leider oft auf ungesundem Wege.

Die gute Nachricht? Du bist nicht allein.

Die meisten von uns haben in ihrer Kindheit von irgendetwas zu wenig bekommen, ein Erlebnis negativ abgespeichert oder eine Erfahrung gemacht, die sie täglich in ihren Entscheidungen beeinträchtigt.

Wir denken, dass irgendwas falsch an uns ist, wir nicht gut genug sind und wir, in welcher Weise auch immer, schlechter als so manch andere sind.
Und wir wissen oftmals nicht einmal genau warum.

Das Resultat?

Wir fangen an, anderen oder uns selbst die Schuld für unser Leiden zu geben.

Schuldzuweisungen legen unseren Fokus auf die Vergangenheit.

Bringt genau was?

Richtig.

Nichts.

Außer das sich Emotionen ansammeln, die sich alles andere als gut anfühlen.

Sei dir eines bewusst: Du trägst keine Schuld.

Aber …

Du (und nur du) trägst die Verantwortung.

Die Verantwortung für oder eben gegen dein Leben.

Denn solange du an deinen Problemen nagst, und (wenn auch nur unbewusst) deinen Eltern, einen Gott oder Universum, oder deinem Leben an sich die Schuld für dein Versagen im Leben gibst, wird sich nichts ändern.

Deine Erzieher waren und sind nicht perfekt, niemand ist das und als Kind können wir Dinge ohnehin sehr schnell falsch interpretieren, obwohl es unsere Eltern oder Lehrer damals alles andere als böse gemeint haben.

Die Dinge sind nun mal wie sie sind. Wie Scheiße sie auch gerade aussehen.

Das ist eine unangenehme Wahrheit der man ins Gesicht sehen muss – wenn man denn für eine Veränderung im Leben bereit ist.

Du kannst dich natürlich auch weiterhin anlügen…
Verleugnen, verdrängen und all diese schönen „Coping-Mechanismen“ die wir täglich „anziehen“, sind unser täglich Brot geworden – speziell dann wenn wieder ein innerer oder äußerer Konflikt auftritt.

So wie wir uns jeden Montag sagen, „ach ich fang doch erst Morgen an Sport zu machen!”, so schieben wir unsere Emotionen auch immer wieder von uns Weg. „Mit meiner Traurigkeit oder Frustration beschäftige ich mich jetzt sicher nicht!”

[…eine Packung Schokokekse und 4 Erdnussbutterbrote mit Marmelade später…]

Verantwortung für die eigene Zufriedenheit und für das eigene Wohlbefinden zu nehmen klingt eigentlich nach einer Selbstverständlichkeit.

Bis man drauf kommt, dass man sich dieser in Wahrheit sehr oft entzieht.

Anfangs muss man sich noch täglich daran erinnern, doch je öfter man sich bewusst in dem Moment entscheidet, anders zu denken und zu fühlen, handeln wir immer mehr aus unserer Selbstverantwortung heraus.

Wir brauchen kein Gänseblümchen mehr, dass uns sagt ob die Welt uns liebt.

Verantwortung nehmen bedeutet, ich gebe mir selbst die Antwort.

Ich gebe mir selbst Anerkennung und Liebe. Ich entscheide mich FÜR mein Leben und lege meinen Fokus auf meine Möglichkeiten in der Zukunft, anstatt meiner “Fehler” in der Vergangenheit.

Klingt jetzt vielleicht alles etwas cheesy, aber glaubt mir …

… dass Gefühl das Leben selbst in der Hand zu haben, ist besser als jede Tafel Schokolade, Zigarette oder neues Paar Schuh.



Außer Croissant.

Ein Croissant geht immer.

disconnected.

What do you do while eating?

Sit down with your plate on your table, smell and taste all the nuances of your food, take one bite at a time, chew slowly and really enjoy this whole process?

Yea right.

Thank god we have so many distractions handy so we don´t actually have to go through that.

Our brain doesn´t want to sit still and basically do nothing.
– Especially when it´s used to get fed by constant stimulus through our mobile devices…all the time.

Even while eating. Even during a coffee date with a friend (which is more than sad). But even sitting in the train and simply looking outside the window (or reading a book god forbid!), is smth you hardly see anymore.

This past weekend my little cousin who´s 16 years old (and has no social media by choice) told me how he has difficulty interacting with his schoolmates or people his age in general.
They are CONSTANTLY on their phone he said and it seems that he´s bestfriend´s girlfriend has a deeper relationship with her instagram account than with the guy she´s with.

I think we really underestimate how teens nowadays are effected by these technological changes, particularly in the past decade.

But we all can relate to some degree…

A time gap in your day?
You reach to your phone.

Don´t wanna deal with your to-do list right now?
Oh why not check your emails one more time.

Actually planned on going to the gym?
Just one more scroll over instagram.

Feeling stuck with a difficult task?
Yep, take your break and make sure you are updated on aall your favourite web pages. For the 8th time of your day.

We all know that feeling when we spent too much time on the internet when actually all we did is procrastinating.
And although nowadays we have more options and more opportunities to learn new things, meet new people and go on crazy adventures – basically to just DO stuff…
..it seems like we waste more time than ever.

The evolution of technology has brought us to a point where we actually need to force ourselves to take a step back – before we get so consumed, that living like a human machine becomes a norm.
(And who knows how the future will look like…“some people“ out there are perhaps slowly adapting us to that reality..).

And since all these apps and social media channels play around with our psychology, it´s hard to resist their temptation.

They control our emotions aka US. Through a small screen.

Any time we pick up our phone we get a small rush of dopamine. Something new, exciting and unpredictable is always around the corner and that anticipation makes us want it more.
Social Media, cigarettes, alcohol, food, drugs, COFFEE bla bla bla – Anything that releases one or both of these two chemicals, dopamine and oxytocin, has the power over how we feel and act.

They are truly a blessing and curse at the same time.

Awesome.


Knowing that, you can make it to your advantage.
Or disadvantage.

Like I said before, we need to put an extra effort into not letting these devices consume us too much, otherwise it gets harder and harder to disengage, even for a couple of hours.

Because one day, who knows, your body confuses real human connection with grabbing your phone and klicking and swiping and texting in order to satisfy this human need.
And in this process we slowly forget what living a human life actually feels like.

Just like we don´t know the real taste of an apple anymore.

So yea…being more „connected“ than ever leads to losing connection to ourselves and others and we are not even aware of it.


Now what?

Seems like the solution lies in the opposite:

disconnect in order to connect.

Practise how being connected (to yourself and others) actually feels like. And do that more often.

Start by leaving all tech devices aside while eating and actually connect with the food on your plate.

If you are not used to it..

..your body will probably be veeery confused and perceive it as feeling disconnected.

When in fact, detaching is the first step to re-connection.


So go…connect with your broccoli.

jo mai…

Es regnet.
deine warmen Pullis sind immer noch im Schrank.
Schals bleiben,
und deine Winterschuhe gehen auch nirgends hin.

In der Sonne liegen?
kurze Hosen?
schwimmen gehen?
ach geh, wir haben doch noch 3 Wochen bis Sommerbeginn!

Ja es ist Mai,
und der kälteste seit 40 Jahren.
wobei es nicht wirklich kalt ist,
sondern nass und schirch.

Irritiert ja nur meine Kleiderauswahl.

Warmer Kapuzenpulli,
Jäckchen drüber,
Schal zweimal umwickeln..
wenn nicht anders dann halt so schwitzen..

Dieses Wetter widerspiegelt so manche Beziehungen wieder:
„ach ich weiß nicht… soll ich?
nein…
oder doch? Vielleicht ein bisschen..
aber eigentlich will ich nicht..
hm.“

Mensch Mai, gib dir nen Ruck,
nutz den Wind um deine Wolken wegzublasen,
wir wollen doch nur draußen im Liegestuhl nen Spritzer genießen,
unsere Füße im Gras spüren,
und endlich unseren zweiten Sonnenbrand bekommen (ja ich hatte bereits einen).

Aber is ok..
Juni kommt bald,
den kannst du die Lust auf Sonne nicht so leicht nehmen.
Juni meint es gut mit uns.
Sei wie Juni.

Aber nein du kopierst einfach von April.

Ich sag dir Mai,
du bist ja ein an sich ein tolles Monat,
aber wenn aufgrund eurer Tauschgeschäfte,
nun auch die Erdbeersaison den Kürzeren zieht..

dann müsst ihr nächstes Jahr,
März bis Juni, den ganzen Frühling entlang,
uns mit dem schönsten Sonnenschein beglücken.

so will es das Wettergesetz.

how to avoid GoT-Spoilers

Have you watched the last episode?

No worries I won´t be able to ruin your anticipation, cos I haven´t either.

so.. *NOspoileralert here.

If you are one of those people that still need to catch up the last few episodes,
or that still need to watch the last entire season (me),
or that haven´t watched the whole entire series…

Now that the whole Game of Thrones obsession has reached its peak….

..we people who wander around with no knowledge about who died, who won and who kissed who, have to watch out even more, so that we don´t run into any spoilers that are hidden behind every insta-story, article or people chatting..

Well I didn´t think about being „careful“ at all…. until…

I got trapped when a stranger next to me started talking about how it all ended and me then trying to become deaf.

You could try to run away or cover your ears, however in my situation both were kind of either not possible or just fuckin hard to do.

I mean, really..never would I expect the need to protect myself from GoT-spoilers in a gym. really not.

People don´t talk there. people listen to music and workout! (or at least pretend to).

But..that´s not where I got trapped..

yup it was in the locker room.

While I was just about to jump into the shower, this girl started talking with someone on her phone and at some point the words Game of Thrones crossed her mouth and how she can´t quite comprehend the last episode and how this one character [bleep]…

I was like fuck, she is actually putting it all out there, does she not know there are people here?!

Since there was a wall locker between us I couldn´t give her some of my „stop-the-fuck-talking facial signs“ so all I tried to do (with emphasis on try..) was to cover my left ear with one hand while getting undressed with the other, which was nearly impossible because at the same time I tried to cover my right ear with my shoulder, soo.. yea.

I then quickly sprinted into the shower and switched on the showerhead so strong that the water splashing and my humming would drown out any spoilers coming through.

I should have stayed in there longer, cos when I came back I still needed to protect my ears from words entering my brain.

(Thank god this whole scenario was not captured by a large audience there..)

Well, at some point I got a green light and made it out still completely clueless. EXCEPT of:

noo I´m joking.. I´m not as mean as that girl.
(plus I don´t know anything anyway).

So and now? How to actually avoid GoT-spoilers you wonder?

After this incident I came to the conclusion..there is only one way..

..go watch them.

And to all people who know the ending…

..you don´t want to mess with a person who just got spoilert because of your unmercyness.

(yes, I´m fully aware that this sentence is highly incorrect. thx).




I lost my phone.

Yep. It went off and decided to continue life without me.

Bad decision…cos it returned back to me after (appearently) going for a swim.

Where the heck did I lose it and why was is then so unfixable wet on the inside?

Well, lets go back to that friday night..

At that beachbar.

Theme? open air disco or in other words:
silent disco.

For those who don´t know…it´s a disco, that´s completely silent.

Well, until you put your headphones on.

Theeen you simply never wanna take them off ever again.

And if you wondered… yep everyone can hear your „singing along“ when they take off their headphones.

So don´t.

pleace don´t.

You know that sound when someone scratches their nails down a chalkboard?

Yea…it´s that bad..

you know what´s worse?

When you hear yourself the next day on that freakin long video your friend took of everyone.

Impossible to watch it without turning the volume down to -10.

But yea, at least everyone sucks pretty much the same at singing aka screaming to a song.

As long as everyone keeps their headphones on… you´re fine.

However it´s never a gurantee, including all the strangers around you, sooo….
Anything left to do is not caring how stupid you might look and sound.

Silent disco or Screaming disco. The only channel you should not listen to.


So back to my phone.

I really wonder…
Who the hell puts their nowadays immensivley big smartphones in their back jeans pocket?

I´m not talking about you guys…your pants pockets are like double the size of ours.
Girls jeans pockets are just not made for storage purposes. They are sorely here so you can squeeze in three of your fingers, in order to let your arm rest for a minute (and look cool doing so).

So of course my phone would be sitting in their, half in half out, fearing it could slip out any moment.

Well and that´s where my theory of „how I lost my phone“ starts….

A: It either just fell out and dropped into the sand – someone found it, dumped it in water and gave it to a bartender, because he has no use for anything less than an iphone-like smartphone.

OR

B: I went to the bathroom, put my phone „safely“ on the toilet next to the flush and forgot it their (because in my pants pocket it could fall out – what an irony..)
Slowly but surely it, of course, found its way into the toilet sink, who knows for how long, until it got discovered by the cleaning lady who brought it to a bartender. Because again…no use for an old phone, plus… it came out of a TOILET.

OR

C: I lost it somehow somewhere, someone found it, brought it to the bar and THERE it somehow got heavily drunk on water.
(yea all those somehows really are based on solid assumptions).

Anyhow..

we all know this feeling when we realize….shit where is my phone..

For a moment you don´t accept the fact that it might be gone forever and you think about all the pictures and notes you haven´t saved and all the other backup shit you should have done but haven´t.
And now you also have to buy a new one with the money you don´t have..

This little device carries so many things for you, remembers them and saves them for you, and he, I mean it.. also acts as a little guide and connector.

Ask yourself: What is the one thing you spend most time with..?

And lets include eeverything/one into that question.

I bet some kind of technical device tops on place one or two..

Actually it´s sad to think about it, but at the end of the day, if you add it all up….you probably interact more with your phone than you do with the person you actually spend most time with.
Even more sad..we find ourselves doing it simultaneously more often than we think..

Ok couples out there, prove me wrong.

The funny part about my whole phone losing thing is…I actually told my sister that day that I don´t want my phone anymore, I need a new one.
And it was not the first time I said it (so be careful what you wish for).

I mean, I couldn´t even make important updates anymore, because of my severe lack of storage space – for moonths! So that sucked.
And I also wasn´t able to transfer my pictures onto my laptop anymore. That reeeally sucked.

So…I guess, my phone knew it was time to break up (by breaking itself.).

Whether or not it ended up in a toilet..

never deposit your phone anywhere near one.
and don´t run and dance around with it in your pants pocket. high risk of losing it..whether or not you are drunk.

but especially when you are drunk.

so don´t drink.



I don´t like my conclusion.

can you dance without music?

Can you?

Ever done that before?

It´s quite interesting what happens to us when we listen to music.

You can´t see it, you can´t touch it, can´t smell it and still it can literally change how you feel within seconds.

I mean who hasn´t felt a little more relieved and relaxed after listening to „every little thing gonna be alright“.. ok lets be honest, any bob marley song would do so.
(and yes I know it´s not the title).

And who hasn´t felt like dancing like a crazy girl screaming back to her friends „you are my dancing queeen, young and sweet,…“ and for some reason not feeling embarassed at all.

Whatever reason lies behind the speed of beats, the tempo or notes… it can change your mood in different kind of ways.

Try shaking your head and jumping up and down to Beethoven.

Yea…no…that just doesn´t work.

On the other hand, some people can even sliiithly feel aggressive when listening to classical music. Or to take it a notch down, some simply disconnect themselves from that kind of music, because they feel like, nope that´s not me.
They identify themselves through certain kinds of music, like hard metal and if they listen to music that goes against the way they percieve themselves (or want to be percieved by others), they can react somewhat angry or judgemental in order to protect their identity.

So it´s not only about the pace, the speed or tone of the music. A lot can be traced back to your younger years, what music you were exposed to and how it made you feel at that time.
You might not necessarily loved hard rock at first, but it connected you with other people and made you feel like you belong.

Music is a powerful “tool” to unite and connect people (just like alcohol does;P joke aside).

But basically certain songs or genres are linked with certain emotions – positive or negative ones.

Like attracts like
Ususally we listen to music because we wanna feel a certain way.
And we don´t wanna feel happy and upbeat all the time..appearently..

Ever been sad or depressed?

Well what did you feel more drawn to listen to? Probably something more Adele or Ed Sheeran- like (why do I give you examples, that I don´t even listen to when being sad..) Anyway..

Studies have shown that sad music can actually make people feel better and help them work through emotions they are going through.
So it can be a good thing that we feel naturally drawn to music that represents our current mood.

How music influences our daily actions
It´s quite fascinating how some invisible vibrations change the vibrations within our body – and can actually change the way we behave.

Ever gone for a run? Or to the gym?
Well….ever experienced that moment where you realize you forgot your earplugs and now you have to workout without your music?

Yea…you almost wanna cry and go home.

Music can really motivate us, in particular the faster paced one. It can literally trick your body to go faster and perform stronger. Which, when you think about it, kind of means that you already are that strong..
you just needed some outer help to make that happen.

And that makes me wonder….do we rely to a certain degree on outer forces to help us change into becoming the person we want to be?

That´s difficult to answer, since there is a cheesy saying that goes like: „everyting is already inside you“, or something like that.

While that might be true, perhaps we do need a catalysator to start the engine.

Just like falling in love can act as an catalysator to become a better person (in the beginning at least;).

Well same goes for music! It releases the same feel-good hormone as it does when you are in love – oh yes, it´s you dear oxytocin.

Music can even create peak emotions, which increases the amount of dopamine in your body. That´s why you sometimes feel so pumped up to one particular song – mix it with dancing and you could embrace the whole world.

So yes, music does a lot to us.

It helps create our personal identity.
It connects us with other people.
It helps us perform better in life, be it for more focus and concentration in a task, working out or simply to release stress.
It can evoke our emotions like grief, anger, resentment, even the ones we didn´t know were there and can help us process them on a deep and subconscious level.
And it can simply make you feel like you are drunk on a completely different level.

Music has an immense power over our feelings.
And feelings drive our behaviours.

So why not drink that good-feeling cocktail more often, be it by playing an instrument, going to concerts, clubbing, or simply by pressing play..

We all need help from outside sources to spark that person that waits for us to be released.
Good that we have a never-ending pool of songs to pick in any given moment.

And if not..

well..

then..




..there is always singing…












Sources:
https://edition.cnn.com/2019/02/08/health/music-brain-behavior-intl/index.html
https://www.consciouslifestylemag.com/music-and-the-brain-affects-mood/










a leash, a couch and trust issues.

Imagine you have a dog. Your favourite breed of all. A beautiful, cute, playful dog who is well-behaved and listens to you.
It´s spring time and the sun is finally coming out again. A beautiful warm day and you decide to go to this huge park your dog loves so much.
You get there, you tell your dog to sit, and you gently take off his leash.
Your dog waits for your command and as soon as you give him a „go“, he runs off into the wide green open space in front you.

Even as a non dog-owner, I can imagine how seeing your dog running through a field must feel like.
Free, content, and so joyful in this moment. Just by watching your dog having the time of his life, like he´s running for the first time, you feel the same.

However, doing so requires a good amount of trust. You wouldn´t take off his leash if you doubted he´ll come back to you again. Without training him beforehand you wouldn´t be able to let him experience this kind of freedom and playtime with other dogs. He might take off, won´t stop playing (or fighting) with other dogs, or even bite a runner passing by.

But.. you invested this time in him and in you. To create a bond that is strong and safe for both of you to experience those blissful moments.
He can have a so much better lifequality – thanks to you.
Thanks to your willingness to discipline your dog, you can let him go and not fear he might disappear.

You can count on him and he can count on you. (awwww).

And you?

Can you count on you?

Or in other words:

How well-trained is your dog?

And yes you do have one.

Not the one you just imagined.

But the one in your mind that likes to do all kind of stupid stuff.
Just like a dog, we have needs and urges we preferebly don´t wanna fight against.
We are pulled to sit on the couch, when we know we should work out, we are pulled to eat pizza, when we know a green plate will make us feel better and we are pulled to scroll over instragram for the hundreds time, when we know we should continue to work on our project.
Basically we wanna sleep, eat and have fun, just like dog.
It´s easy and comfortable and requires no effort.
But we also know that in the long-term it makes us feel miserable, depleted and depressed.

With a misbehaved dog you won´t be able to take off the leash and his muzzle.
You simply cannot control his behaviour without that restriction.
Just like people. Some need to keep all the chocolate cookies out of the house, because they cannot be trusted with them.

Our needs and wants can turn into cravings that do whatever it takes to satisfy them – so we basically run away from ourselves to go get that „thing“.

How can we possibly trust ourselves, if calling us back rarely works?

And to ask further…

If I can´t trust myself, how am I ever able to let myself go after anything? Without a certain level of self-trust how am I ever able to DO anything?
I wouldn´t be able to get into my car, start the engine and drive 120km/h sharing the same road with hundreds of other drivers.
I wouldn´t even be able to cut my vegetables in small pieces to make a delicious dinner for myself.

Think about it, you do all the things you do daily because you bring a certain level of self-trust into the performance. I mean you trust yourself that you won´t cut your fingers while cutting those carrots..do you?

On the other hand, you could ask yourself..

What am I NOT doing, because I don´t trust myself?
What am I missing out in life because of my lack of self-trust?
Maybe you don´t start that business or project because you don´t trust in your own capabilities.
Maybe you don´t ask your boss for a raise, because you can´t trust your level of confidence to stand up for yourself.
Maybe you don´t enter that relationship because you can´t even commit to yourself.
Maybe you don´t join that hip hop class, because you don´t trust in your ability to connect with others. (It´s mostly not about the activity itself, but rather the social aspect – „will I be accepted by the tribe?“).

It is safe to say that in order to experience all of that, we need to build a certain level of trust within ourselves.
Oftentimes, by just doing it and figuring it out on the way we learn to trust ourselves more and more.

BUT, as dogs, we learn and build trust through repetition.
And repitition requires a certain level of commitment and discipline.

We need to create routines and habits so that the new behaviour becomes second nature.
We basically need to train our mind to listen to us, to follow our command.
Just as we would train our dog to do so.

Who doesn´t have that voice that constantly tells you to eat healthier, to work out, to work on that project, to have this difficult conversation, to read that book, to start that cooking class, etc. etc.
But you don´t, or you start and stop. Or you kinda do it, but not really, just to trick yourself that you are not that big of a loser..

We wanna run away from that voice in the back of our mind – just like a dog who keeps running away and doesn´t care if his owner screams his name for the hundreds time. Why?

Because he has no respect for him. He learned that he gets away with it. Nothing real bad happened so far, so why not continue have fun?

And we trained ourselves the same way. We don´t keep our word. We committed ourselves to do smth, but didn´t follow through. We´ve told ourselves not to do something, but did it anyway, without realizing that we are programming ourselves with a belief that life goes on without any real bad consequences – you know..that ugly „grey zone“, where it´s uncomfortable, but not uncomfortable aka painful enough to actually make that change..

We are literally rebelling against our own self-interest. We are rejecting what is actually supporting our self-esteem and self-trust.

The result?

We lose self-respect. And that can be hard to admit.
Because we know how shitty that feels to not be respected by others.
But turning our own back against our ourselves? That´s like we make us to our own worst enemy..

So how do we actually start keeping those promises we tell ourselves…
How do we create an environment where our dog aka our inner rebel, actually can run and have the time of his life, but also listens and obeys as soon as we – the owner – call him.

Basically it requires two things: honesty and discipline/commitment.

We need to get really fucking honest with ourselves…
What´s important to us, what do we want to achieve, how do we wanna feel and what kind of person do we actually want to become?

And with that we create structure and a set of rules and routines in order to achieve that new state or goal.
And since dogs, as we know, just wanna eat, sleep and play all day, the leash comes in very handy.. especially in the beginning.

Because he will try to escape.. the world is too tempting.
So.. KNOW his (your) triggers.

Training means you have to take yourself on the leash and pull yourself back from doing things you don´t wanna do. But it also means taking yourself to places, activities and people you do want to experience. Sometimes you just gotta pull yourself into the right direction with that fucking leash.

However…a dog does pull as well.

In his direction.

And it can be exhausting to constantly pull against your dogs own will, when he just won´t calm down.
Sometimes it´s best to just take off the leash and let him do whatever he so badly wants to do.
No screaming, no running after him.
Eventually he will come back stinky and full of dirt, happy to be taken care of again.

Letting go means losing control, which can be an extremely scary thing to do. You don´t know if things will work out. It´s learning to trust, when you simply don´t have trust.

When you stop resisting that pull (that voice), you give yourself permission to trust yourself again.
It´s this, „I trust you when you trust me thing“.

Training is hard work. You gotta be strict and brutally honest, but also let go and not forget to reward yourself,…oh well.

Point is:
Through training we learn to keep ourselves accountable – in other words, we learn to stay true to what we said we would do or not do.
Only then do we start to build self-trust again and actually gain back that respect for ourselves.

And the moment we can trust ourselves again, is the moment we can safely take off that leash and run into the wide open space of freedom and possibilities, without that noice in the back screaming and demanding all kinds of things of us.
The dog has proven over and over again that he does what we say. Now we trust him. And in turn, the freedom we give him is the best thing he could ever ask for.

We can only grasp what´s on the other side of discipline and discomfort.
It´s not an easy training to go through.

But would you rather live life forever on a leash, dragging your owner uncontrollably around trying to taste life as much as possible, while having that constant screaming voice in your ears?

OR

train. and unleash the [read dog backwards] within you.





Or buy one.


Every time you ask him how you look, he´ll say „WAU!“

and sometimes that´s all you need to hear.

lieber Alkohol, …

ich erinnere mich gern an dich. Denn das schlimmste weiß ich ohnehin nicht mehr.

Und das ist gut so.

Dacht ich immer.

Aber dann fragte ich mich: Was ist gut daran, sich an etwas nicht erinnern zu können?

Wie oft ich mir Geschichten so mancher Nächte über Dritten mit zugedrücktem Auge anhören musste.
Wie oft ich mich selber fragte, was ich denn stundenlang in Anwesenheit selbst zugedröhnter Menschen wohl von mir gegeben habe.
Und wie oft ich selbst laange überlegte, was zwischen Tanzeinheiten und das nächste Bier holen wohl geschehen sein möge.

Wenn ich wen anderes fragen muss, ob ich denn Spaß hatte..
..hört der Spaß auf.

Wieso befördern wir uns mit literweise Spritzer und Bier vor 12 ins Knockout, wenn uns am nächsten Tag ein Gefühl der Ungewissheit und Fragwürdigkeit mit einer ergiebigen Portion an Pochen an der linken Schläfe plagt?

Warum sagen wir uns an jedem Tag danach „nie wieder“, wenn wir insgeheim wissen, wo wir uns nächsten Samstag wiederfinden,
und mit wem an der, sry – in der Hand.

Alkohol, du hast eine Gabe Menschen zusammenzubringen. Denn du weißt genau, wonach sich jeder von uns sehnt. Du weißt, was wir wollen und vor allem was wir brauchen.
Du löst in uns ein Zustand der Sorglosigkeit, der Unbekümmertheit aus und versorgst uns mit einem Lachen im Gesicht, welches nicht selten auch unseren Bauch durchdringt.

Wie können wir dir jemals untreu sein, wenn mit dir unsere Welt ein kleines bisschen erträglicher wird. Auch wenn nur für den Moment, für den Abend oder die Nacht.

Doch der Morgen kommt. Und die Kopfschmerzen lassen uns ebenfalls nicht im Stich.
So mancher steckt es gut weg. So anderer liegt für 2 Tage flach.

Du meinst es nur gut, das ist mir schon klar. Und ich versteh dein Motiv, dein Anliegen, dein Zweck. Aber wie kann etwas so gut tun, und gleichzeitig so schlecht?
Ich möchte nichts missen, das ist meine Angst. Doch wenn ich dich lasse, geht vielleicht mehr als ich will.
Mit was stoß ich an, wenn nicht mal mit Kräuterschnaps? Und wie halt ich aus, was ich nun nüchtern ertragen muss?

Du bringst mich in ein Dilemma. Wie eine Droge die mich festhält.
Festhält an Erinnerungen von damals, und diese die noch kommen.

Ich will das eine und das andere. Geht das denn nicht? Denn ich will nichts opfern, was ich ohnehin so oft vermiss.

Wir leben in einer Gesellschaft, die das Leben um dich feiert. Geburtstage, Hochzeiten und Abschlussfeiern, deine Präsenz riecht man immer.
Und auch beim abendlichen Ausklang (for no reason at all) „ein Gläschen gefällig?“ ..aber so wie wir nun mal sind, finden wir immer einen Grund.
Und wenn wir einen Raum betreten, sei es eine Party oder ein Event, dann laufen wir als erstes zu dir (nach dem Klo), denn was du uns gibt, ist ein Gefühl der Sicherheit… mir dir stehen wir nicht allein.

Du siehst, ich will dich nicht nur trinken, sondern auch vom Schreiben komm ich nicht los von dir.

Vielleicht muss ich einsehen, dass wir zwei für immer eine Hass-Liebe Beziehung führen werden.
Der Abend voll Liebe, der Morgen voll Hass.

Und doch frage ich mich: Sind denn nicht die besten Dinge im Leben auch von beidem erfüllt?

Solang diese Tradition, unsere Gläser mir dir zu erheben,
und solang wir zusammenschweißend „zam zam zam“ rufen, um die Freude am Leben zu feiern…
…Solange werde ich mit dir, liebe Substanz chemischer Verbindungen die eine Hydroxy-Gruppe enthält, noch vielen weitere Erinnerungen teilen.

Aber damit diese Erinnerungen auch wirklich welche werden, und nicht im Sumpf des Unterbewusstseins für immer verschwinden, sehe ich mich dazu veranlasst, 2 aus 5 Getränken mit deiner Schwester H²0 auszutauschen.
Um dem mal optimistisch heranzugehen.

Und wer weiß…vielleicht werden von nun an alle feier-würdigen Tage von mehr getragen, als nur von dir.

Denn wie schön sind geteilte Momente mit Menschen die man feiert, wenn man sich an jedes Wort, welches uns zum lachen brachte, erinnert?

Und wie schön ist es, am nächsten Tag aufstehen zu können,
ohne Schmerz und ohne Übel, und den Tag nicht nur aus der Couch-Perspektive zu erleben?

..oder im Stande zu sein, mit seinen Lieben weiterfeiern zu können 😉

Prost!

the fast and the feast

So, I just finished a 90 hours fast.

To get a better picture: that´s close to 4 days without food – just water and tea.
I intended to do it no longer or shorter, because for me this length seems quite manageable and gives a great amount of benefits without „overdoing“ it.
Well…it´s been only nearly 4 days but the phases you go through while fasting are quite „interesting“.

Let me guide you through them..

Day 1: not that hungry til mid-day, a little moody, kind of impatient already, but overall ok.

Day 2: „Why the fuck am I doing this shit?! I´m gonna break it, I´m gonna quit, I just gonna do it another time when I´m more busy and more distracted! How can being pissed, restless and annoyed be healthier than fasting anyway? That´s it, tonight I´m gonna eat my scrambled eggs with spinach and mushrooms“ (that´s pretty much all I had in my fridge).
Don´t ask me how I made it through day 2, because I can´t even count how many times I battled with thoughts of quitting and how many excuses have circled my mind – buuut something in me somehow resisted to eat.
So I didn´t.

I decided to break the fast the next day instead..

Day 3: I woke up. and felt..kinda good.
I immediately decided, nope I´m not going to break my fast today. I gonna make it through those 90 hours! I went for a run and actually had great energy, but then again..I also felt exhausted after 15 minutes.
By now my body has adjusted getting its energy differently with the result of me feeling better in my head with more steady energy levels.

It´s pretty common that the first two days suck. They are definitely the hardest and worst.
If you can make it through the first 48 hours, you already made it half way through – even if you decide to fast for 10 days.

Day 4: „I actually could go on…“
I really thought this. My energy got even better, I was more sharp and more motivated (okay I was also looking forward to eat again that day).
But it really did feel like I could go on for another few days.

However, I´m not too much into longer fasts, even though challenging myself to do a 5 day one seems quite appealing (yea until day 2 starts..).

And maaan, does it feel good to eat again. You really do appreciate food much more, its taste, its smell, and just being able to chew again.

So and with what did I break it?

I didn´t go for the whole fruit or juice thing, nope. After 4 days it´s usually ok to go for smth more substantial, at least for me. Everyone is different.
So I made some eggs (there they are;) with some mushroom and spinach (of course), some cucumber aaand drum drum…beef liver.
Just because it´s delicious.

Fasting – especially during the first couple of days – feels like you´re waiting…
waiting until you can eat again.
waiting until your life becomes normal again.
and waiting until you can participate in normal things again, like going to a cafe without having to order tea…I mean who drinks tea in a cafe?
It´s. just. not. the. same.

So yea everyone goes through different stuff, and some fasts can be easier than the others.
After having done it a few times before, 2 of which happened last year. I can say that with this one I had to push through much harder.
I believe because I didn´t need to go to work. Being properly occupied takes a lot of thought battling away, and before you realize it, it´s bedtime and the next day is about to start. Some people prefer resting.
I distraction.

So yea, this was my first 90 hours fast experience this year.
Now I´m gonna show (or rather explain) you why I´m actually doing this to me. And I bet after reading this, you gonna think about doing it as well;)

NUMBER ONE:

Fasting is stress.

Do I have you on board already?

No?

Well, yes fasting is stress for the body, no question. But so is exercising. The muscles while strength training are torn. They need to be under stress in order to rebuild themselves again. That´s how they get stronger.

Same goes with fasting.

Firstly, it makes your immune system stronger and more resilient.

Why?

While fasting your body goes into survival mode and tries to save energy. It does it, amongst other things, by getting energy from other sources than it normally would. One way is to recycle a lot of the immune cells that are not needed or even damaged. It´s like, only the strongest and fittest survive;)

Basically your cells are going to start regenerating, which leads to them replacing old cells with new and healthier ones.
Yes at first the number of white blood cells go down while fasting, but when you start to refeed again, stem cells are activated and start to pump out new ones.
Fasting is literally reseting your entire immune system, making you more resilient to toxins, bacterias, free radicals etc. than before.

Another great benefit of fasting is the increase of human growth hormones, which plays an important role in growth, metabolism and muscle strength. Some athletes out there take supplements to inhance their human growth hormones, because it speeds up recovery time, helps to build muscle faster and burns fat faster! So why not do it the healthier, more natural and also more challenging way! (you know.. strengthening your willpower is not a bad thing either..).
Furthermore the boost in human growth hormone enhances collagen production (for healthy nails, hair, skin and joints), and also improves bone densitiy. Oh and just so you know..it´s also called the anti-aging hormone.
So yea..we definitely want more of that.

My favourite benefit of fasting is actually its effect on autphagy.
As humans we need to eliminate waste from our body… well, so do our cells. They need to get rid of their waste and constantly restore themselves in order to perform optimaly. Autophagy is basically the cell recycling and refreshing itself and fasting turns on this process immensevely, because now, without any food, the body has time to do so.

When you are in a constant feed modus, the body is mainly occupied with all the food you consume, digesting it as fast as it can, before the next load comes in. (btw, that´s why we lose our appetite when we are sick, because our body needs the energy to fight off bacteria and get healthy again).

Autophagy is also a reason why proper sleep for example is so crucial. During that time our bodies actually do all the repairing and restoring, making us ready for the next day.
However..nowadays with the amount of stress we are confronted or put on ourselves, the food we eat (or not eat), the alcohol we consume, the constant snacking during the day and til late in the evening, as well as lack of sleep itself, makes this cleaning process of the cells harder and harder and this comes with a bunch of consequences.
From fatigue and digestive issues, to autoimmune diseases and other severe physical but also mental illnesses. It shows up differently for everyone.

And since we talk about stress… fasting does help here as well, because you will be improving your body´s general resistance to stress in the long-run.
Exposing your body to different kind of stressors such as excersicing, cold showers, sauna or fasting makes your body, as said, more resilient and therefore more capable in dealing with life´s ongoing stressors.

There are so many more great benefits to fasting and I´m not going to cover them all here (feel free to look them up) BUT, one last important one I want to mention is its effect on our brain.
While fasting the production of a protein called brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF) is stimulated, which plays a critical role in memory, learning, and generates new nerve cells! Furthermore it makes neurons more resistent to stress.
The process of autophagy that I mentioned ealier, does not only apply to the cells in our blood or liver or skin…obviously the same goes for our brain with all its awesome regenerating benefits (ok I hope this was the last time I used the word benefit here……damned!).

To sum it up…with fasting we give the body the opportunity to literally heal itself by killing off aka starving all the old and unhealthy cells, including autoimmune cells and even cancer cells, making the immune system stronger than before.

Fasting is an experience that is mentally, emotionally and physically challenging.
But at the same time rewarding on so many levels.

The best part of all?

Your first meal after your fast.

because believe me…

…even mushrooms and spinach turn into a feast.

Recources:
http://www.brainfacts.org/thinking-sensing-and-behaving/diet-and-lifestyle/2018/how-does-fasting-affect-the-brain-071318
https://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifestyle/10-benefits-of-fasting-that-will-surprise-you.html
https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/fasting-benefits#section7
https://ideapod.com/study-finds-fasting-72-hours-can-regenerate-entire-immune-system/
https://rawlsmd.com/health-articles/can-fasting-renew-your-immune-system