can you dance without music?

Can you?

Ever done that before?

It´s quite interesting what happens to us when we listen to music.

You can´t see it, you can´t touch it, can´t smell it and still it can literally change how you feel within seconds.

I mean who hasn´t felt a little more relieved and relaxed after listening to „every little thing gonna be alright“.. ok lets be honest, any bob marley song would do so.
(and yes I know it´s not the title).

And who hasn´t felt like dancing like a crazy girl screaming back to her friends „you are my dancing queeen, young and sweet,…“ and for some reason not feeling embarassed at all.

Whatever reason lies behind the speed of beats, the tempo or notes… it can change your mood in different kind of ways.

Try shaking your head and jumping up and down to Beethoven.

Yea…no…that just doesn´t work.

On the other hand, some people can even sliiithly feel aggressive when listening to classical music. Or to take it a notch down, some simply disconnect themselves from that kind of music, because they feel like, nope that´s not me.
They identify themselves through certain kinds of music, like hard metal and if they listen to music that goes against the way they percieve themselves (or want to be percieved by others), they can react somewhat angry or judgemental in order to protect their identity.

So it´s not only about the pace, the speed or tone of the music. A lot can be traced back to your younger years, what music you were exposed to and how it made you feel at that time.
You might not necessarily loved hard rock at first, but it connected you with other people and made you feel like you belong.

Music is a powerful “tool” to unite and connect people (just like alcohol does;P joke aside).

But basically certain songs or genres are linked with certain emotions – positive or negative ones.

Like attracts like
Ususally we listen to music because we wanna feel a certain way.
And we don´t wanna feel happy and upbeat all the time..appearently..

Ever been sad or depressed?

Well what did you feel more drawn to listen to? Probably something more Adele or Ed Sheeran- like (why do I give you examples, that I don´t even listen to when being sad..) Anyway..

Studies have shown that sad music can actually make people feel better and help them work through emotions they are going through.
So it can be a good thing that we feel naturally drawn to music that represents our current mood.

How music influences our daily actions
It´s quite fascinating how some invisible vibrations change the vibrations within our body – and can actually change the way we behave.

Ever gone for a run? Or to the gym?
Well….ever experienced that moment where you realize you forgot your earplugs and now you have to workout without your music?

Yea…you almost wanna cry and go home.

Music can really motivate us, in particular the faster paced one. It can literally trick your body to go faster and perform stronger. Which, when you think about it, kind of means that you already are that strong..
you just needed some outer help to make that happen.

And that makes me wonder….do we rely to a certain degree on outer forces to help us change into becoming the person we want to be?

That´s difficult to answer, since there is a cheesy saying that goes like: „everyting is already inside you“, or something like that.

While that might be true, perhaps we do need a catalysator to start the engine.

Just like falling in love can act as an catalysator to become a better person (in the beginning at least;).

Well same goes for music! It releases the same feel-good hormone as it does when you are in love – oh yes, it´s you dear oxytocin.

Music can even create peak emotions, which increases the amount of dopamine in your body. That´s why you sometimes feel so pumped up to one particular song – mix it with dancing and you could embrace the whole world.

So yes, music does a lot to us.

It helps create our personal identity.
It connects us with other people.
It helps us perform better in life, be it for more focus and concentration in a task, working out or simply to release stress.
It can evoke our emotions like grief, anger, resentment, even the ones we didn´t know were there and can help us process them on a deep and subconscious level.
And it can simply make you feel like you are drunk on a completely different level.

Music has an immense power over our feelings.
And feelings drive our behaviours.

So why not drink that good-feeling cocktail more often, be it by playing an instrument, going to concerts, clubbing, or simply by pressing play..

We all need help from outside sources to spark that person that waits for us to be released.
Good that we have a never-ending pool of songs to pick in any given moment.

And if not..

well..

then..




..there is always singing…












Sources:
https://edition.cnn.com/2019/02/08/health/music-brain-behavior-intl/index.html
https://www.consciouslifestylemag.com/music-and-the-brain-affects-mood/










a leash, a couch and trust issues.

Imagine you have a dog. Your favourite breed of all. A beautiful, cute, playful dog who is well-behaved and listens to you.
It´s spring time and the sun is finally coming out again. A beautiful warm day and you decide to go to this huge park your dog loves so much.
You get there, you tell your dog to sit, and you gently take off his leash.
Your dog waits for your command and as soon as you give him a „go“, he runs off into the wide green open space in front you.

Even as a non dog-owner, I can imagine how seeing your dog running through a field must feel like.
Free, content, and so joyful in this moment. Just by watching your dog having the time of his life, like he´s running for the first time, you feel the same.

However, doing so requires a good amount of trust. You wouldn´t take off his leash if you doubted he´ll come back to you again. Without training him beforehand you wouldn´t be able to let him experience this kind of freedom and playtime with other dogs. He might take off, won´t stop playing (or fighting) with other dogs, or even bite a runner passing by.

But.. you invested this time in him and in you. To create a bond that is strong and safe for both of you to experience those blissful moments.
He can have a so much better lifequality – thanks to you.
Thanks to your willingness to discipline your dog, you can let him go and not fear he might disappear.

You can count on him and he can count on you. (awwww).

And you?

Can you count on you?

Or in other words:

How well-trained is your dog?

And yes you do have one.

Not the one you just imagined.

But the one in your mind that likes to do all kind of stupid stuff.
Just like a dog, we have needs and urges we preferebly don´t wanna fight against.
We are pulled to sit on the couch, when we know we should work out, we are pulled to eat pizza, when we know a green plate will make us feel better and we are pulled to scroll over instragram for the hundreds time, when we know we should continue to work on our project.
Basically we wanna sleep, eat and have fun, just like dog.
It´s easy and comfortable and requires no effort.
But we also know that in the long-term it makes us feel miserable, depleted and depressed.

With a misbehaved dog you won´t be able to take off the leash and his muzzle.
You simply cannot control his behaviour without that restriction.
Just like people. Some need to keep all the chocolate cookies out of the house, because they cannot be trusted with them.

Our needs and wants can turn into cravings that do whatever it takes to satisfy them – so we basically run away from ourselves to go get that „thing“.

How can we possibly trust ourselves, if calling us back rarely works?

And to ask further…

If I can´t trust myself, how am I ever able to let myself go after anything? Without a certain level of self-trust how am I ever able to DO anything?
I wouldn´t be able to get into my car, start the engine and drive 120km/h sharing the same road with hundreds of other drivers.
I wouldn´t even be able to cut my vegetables in small pieces to make a delicious dinner for myself.

Think about it, you do all the things you do daily because you bring a certain level of self-trust into the performance. I mean you trust yourself that you won´t cut your fingers while cutting those carrots..do you?

On the other hand, you could ask yourself..

What am I NOT doing, because I don´t trust myself?
What am I missing out in life because of my lack of self-trust?
Maybe you don´t start that business or project because you don´t trust in your own capabilities.
Maybe you don´t ask your boss for a raise, because you can´t trust your level of confidence to stand up for yourself.
Maybe you don´t enter that relationship because you can´t even commit to yourself.
Maybe you don´t join that hip hop class, because you don´t trust in your ability to connect with others. (It´s mostly not about the activity itself, but rather the social aspect – „will I be accepted by the tribe?“).

It is safe to say that in order to experience all of that, we need to build a certain level of trust within ourselves.
Oftentimes, by just doing it and figuring it out on the way we learn to trust ourselves more and more.

BUT, as dogs, we learn and build trust through repetition.
And repitition requires a certain level of commitment and discipline.

We need to create routines and habits so that the new behaviour becomes second nature.
We basically need to train our mind to listen to us, to follow our command.
Just as we would train our dog to do so.

Who doesn´t have that voice that constantly tells you to eat healthier, to work out, to work on that project, to have this difficult conversation, to read that book, to start that cooking class, etc. etc.
But you don´t, or you start and stop. Or you kinda do it, but not really, just to trick yourself that you are not that big of a loser..

We wanna run away from that voice in the back of our mind – just like a dog who keeps running away and doesn´t care if his owner screams his name for the hundreds time. Why?

Because he has no respect for him. He learned that he gets away with it. Nothing real bad happened so far, so why not continue have fun?

And we trained ourselves the same way. We don´t keep our word. We committed ourselves to do smth, but didn´t follow through. We´ve told ourselves not to do something, but did it anyway, without realizing that we are programming ourselves with a belief that life goes on without any real bad consequences – you know..that ugly „grey zone“, where it´s uncomfortable, but not uncomfortable aka painful enough to actually make that change..

We are literally rebelling against our own self-interest. We are rejecting what is actually supporting our self-esteem and self-trust.

The result?

We lose self-respect. And that can be hard to admit.
Because we know how shitty that feels to not be respected by others.
But turning our own back against our ourselves? That´s like we make us to our own worst enemy..

So how do we actually start keeping those promises we tell ourselves…
How do we create an environment where our dog aka our inner rebel, actually can run and have the time of his life, but also listens and obeys as soon as we – the owner – call him.

Basically it requires two things: honesty and discipline/commitment.

We need to get really fucking honest with ourselves…
What´s important to us, what do we want to achieve, how do we wanna feel and what kind of person do we actually want to become?

And with that we create structure and a set of rules and routines in order to achieve that new state or goal.
And since dogs, as we know, just wanna eat, sleep and play all day, the leash comes in very handy.. especially in the beginning.

Because he will try to escape.. the world is too tempting.
So.. KNOW his (your) triggers.

Training means you have to take yourself on the leash and pull yourself back from doing things you don´t wanna do. But it also means taking yourself to places, activities and people you do want to experience. Sometimes you just gotta pull yourself into the right direction with that fucking leash.

However…a dog does pull as well.

In his direction.

And it can be exhausting to constantly pull against your dogs own will, when he just won´t calm down.
Sometimes it´s best to just take off the leash and let him do whatever he so badly wants to do.
No screaming, no running after him.
Eventually he will come back stinky and full of dirt, happy to be taken care of again.

Letting go means losing control, which can be an extremely scary thing to do. You don´t know if things will work out. It´s learning to trust, when you simply don´t have trust.

When you stop resisting that pull (that voice), you give yourself permission to trust yourself again.
It´s this, „I trust you when you trust me thing“.

Training is hard work. You gotta be strict and brutally honest, but also let go and not forget to reward yourself,…oh well.

Point is:
Through training we learn to keep ourselves accountable – in other words, we learn to stay true to what we said we would do or not do.
Only then do we start to build self-trust again and actually gain back that respect for ourselves.

And the moment we can trust ourselves again, is the moment we can safely take off that leash and run into the wide open space of freedom and possibilities, without that noice in the back screaming and demanding all kinds of things of us.
The dog has proven over and over again that he does what we say. Now we trust him. And in turn, the freedom we give him is the best thing he could ever ask for.

We can only grasp what´s on the other side of discipline and discomfort.
It´s not an easy training to go through.

But would you rather live life forever on a leash, dragging your owner uncontrollably around trying to taste life as much as possible, while having that constant screaming voice in your ears?

OR

train. and unleash the [read dog backwards] within you.





Or buy one.


Every time you ask him how you look, he´ll say „WAU!“

and sometimes that´s all you need to hear.

by by 20s

It´s weird what a number can do…especially when the first digit changes for good and stays for the next decade. But more than that, it holds a different energy – thus you do feel somewhat different (even though so many keep saying, I don´t feel different at all, it´s just a number blala, yea wait til your 32 or 35, the 30ies will hit you at some point).

“30” holds a different set of expectations, from yourself and society – how to behave, what you should have had accomplished so far, and what you should be aiming to achieve in the next few years (helloo marriage and baby!). But luckily (or not) our generation cares (and worries) about so much more than a wedding and house with garden. We care about travelling – france til japan, by 30 we might think we should have started a start-up already – of course with big success. We care about freedom and work we find meaningful. We don´t need to get settled, have kids and a dog (okey the dog can stay).

Most people who hit 30 nowadays, are by far not interested in those stereotypical things people used to, like back in the days (lets say grandma days). Most women I know can´t even handle the thought of having a child in the near future. Most men (boys) are still…well boys.

Both genders in general just don´t feel like actual adults. As kids everyone above 18 is a grown up for us and we start to create an image of what being an adult is supposed to look like. This picture in our mind is by far more adult-like than we´ll ever feel.

And in the world we live today, it gets harder not wanting to stay young. There is just so much to do and explore. We have a harder time commit, cos we like our freedom to chose, anytime and everytime.

There is nothing wrong with that…except..

…there sort of is.

Living in a multioptional environment challenges us to constantly work on maintaining or developing our identities. So many possibilities to do, look or be in order to feel like the person we want to be in this world. That´s exhausting. It´s exhausting because it creates even more expectations we hold for ourselves, an image of our self that we want to embody. But these expectations are often in conflict with what life is right now, and our inner resistance to those expectations (that´s a whole other chapter by itself..).

Turning 30 (or any turning age for you) can be a “oh so great reminder” of those unmet expectations, which can make us feel like a failure in whatever area you chose to.

Still haven´t found that one relationship you think you should be in by now?

Still working in a job that drains you daily and makes you wonder what the hell am I supposed to do otherwise?

Still not working out and pretending alcohol is healthy because alcohol makes you happy and happy equals healthy?

Still living in a city that stresses you when all you want is smell roses and sleep under the stars? (hey don´t laugh, I´m just trying to include all people here okey).

So yea, it´s this: I still haven´t….I still need to…. But now I´m a little too old for this..or that. Or worse, will it ever happen?

Closing a chapter when in fact you haven´t come to an end in the previous one makes it all harder to move on.

Yes certain things aren´t so simple to do anymore than with 21.

And before I continue, think yourself of a few things you feel like you can´t do anymore or would feel kind of weird, now that you´re much older.

So what did come up? Doing a couple of internhips again? Taking a year off to just explore, try new things and figure life out? Partying 3 days in a row and then being back at work by 9? Going back to school? Not knowing the top 5 news-stories of the week? Tell people you´re still finding yourself? Live life as if there´s no tomorow?

Yes they might partly be true, but to be honest, there are not that many things you can´t do anymore when you´re 30. However by then, we already lived quite a while and this time frame gives us more room for self-judgement and regret on how we spent this time. Thanks comparison syndrome. But that´s smth we have to live our whole life with, better we learn how to manage it properly now than when we´re 40. Because it gets woooooorse.

30 is a beautiful number I think. And however people might see it, it does mark a new chapter in one´s life, even if nothing huge changes „immediately“.

The good thing is, we can use this turning point to help us redirect our mindset in order to make changes we wanted to make for a long time (in our 20s for example?). And as I said in the beginning…if it doesn´t hit you now..it will at some point. The earlier the better. Who wants to realize they haven´t done all the things they wanted to in their 50s??

And it´s not even about accomplishing certain goals or dreams. It´s about doing smth everyday that moves you forward to that thing you want to achieve. In the end it´s about that feeling. That feeling of, I actually went for it. Because then, 10 years from now you will have the best feeling one can have before entering a new chapter: _____________

You can pick your feeling.

Chose how you want to feel til your next chapter begins and aim to feel that way every day.

So, on the one hand, yes, 30 is just another number. On the other however….the youth as we know it, is pretty much over. It´s over. For some people this process can be hard to accept. Ah ok, a name for this phase has been given already? Well then, hello midi-life crisis (not to confuse with midlife).

And for those people who can´t relate to any of that? Well, good for you! It is supposed to feel that way. A cool ride with a lot of bumps in the road.

I always say, the best thing about getting older is that we´re all in this together.

One wrinkle at a time.

Have a good turning year.